Why I Top Chef...

Well it is the start of a long weekend, and it has been too long since I posted...so I am stealing an idea from My Dear Doctor of Primate-ology.

I do not watch Top Chef for men who proclaim that they are gay, but I secretly think has two kids and a wife in Omaha, NE. He just felt he was such a terrible chef he needed a "hook".

I do not watch Top Chef for old prostitutes who decided to go in the kitchen when they couldn't bring home the bacon on the streets any longer...
I DEFINITELY do not watch Top Chef for douchebags....

Or men who talk about their balls constantly...

I do watch it for jolly elves who make tasty looking dishes...

And HOT chefs who work for gods, like Erik Ripert.

Oh AND the food...the yummy food...(Jennifer cooked this one...I want to make it!)

And DUH! I mean, come ON...Tom is totally hot! And Padma is not your be-yotch, bitch!

Hey hey good lookin'! Whatcha' got cookin'?

When I was looking up gifts to give to Karen ZipDrive in the virtual Secret Santa - I came across this thing on BravoTV.com where they showed photos of the "HEARTTHROBS" of Top Chef - Spike, Harold and Ilan?? Give me a break! NOT HOT Bravo, not hot...even if Ilan resembles one my favorite celebrities just a little bit...

In my world to be considered a HOT chef you need to have one of these qualities:


1) Unabashed male insanity and attitude2) Gorgeous hair and a French accent3) Gorgeous eyes and mellow personality (dang, he is now MARRIED! *sigh*)4) Southern charm and a love of your wife

5) A million shows on Food Network and a cute laugh
6) A British accent and a good heart - even if you look chubby on tv these days Jamie, I would still want to see you naked. ;)

Now I am hungry again.

Secret Santa - usually I do not play...

I tried to be a good corporate employee and play in Secret Santa games several times, but I always ended up with someone I did not know AT ALL. And the results were that they made FACES when they opened what I thought were fine gifts. I mean DAMMIT I put a LOT of thought into finding just the right thing after asking about you.

And you make a FACE??

Kind of like this:

well, I am all for the season and the spirit - so I could not resist when I saw there was an opportunity to get creative with my giving...a VIRTUAL Secret Santa Gift Exchange -

Well, now we are talking!!! GAME ON!!!

I draw a wonderful woman Karen ZipDrive, who writes a blog called Pulp Friction

Karen, have you been a good girl this year? How about if we start you off with a nice home cooked meal courtesy of a Top Chef contestant -

No nibbling on the chef!

Then, I saw the most awesome bumper sticker!!!

No thanks are necessary...

And I went to Turkey to get you these great shoes, I think they are appropriate attire for the last supper at the White House.

Do not forget the convenient place to KEEP your shoes.

Then I saw you were having some trouble, Dear Karen, with your iPod iTouch, so iThought iWould get you this iClassy carrying case:

Stunning red leather for a happy holiday!

But why stop there? Why not get Dear Karen the whole kit and kaboodle from the local Mac Store???

Including a Airport - so she can have WiFi...

AND SINCE Dear Karen indicates she is "technology challenged" why not throw in some tech support???

Merry Christmas!

Ho Ho HO!